In a Cleaning Mood

I'm in a cleaning mood & I don't mean just my house! I'm cleaning up the food I eat. I am cleaning up the drinks I drink - meaning NO soda - NO more caffeine, NO more carbonation! Whew! Do you think I can do it?

As for food, I'm going at least 50% raw. I now have a refrigerator stocked with fresh fruits and veggies. I bought sprouts and herbal teas and whole grains. Nothing is processed. Nothing is artificial - not colors, not a word in the ingredient list that I can't pronounce! :)

And I feel really good about this decision. I need to be healthier. I need to quit poisoning my body. I need to live! I have so much to live for & so much to still give. If I'm not healthy, then I can't give of myself.

So, today, in keeping with my attitude of gratitude, I am thankful for this decision and pray that I will have the strength to stick with it.

Oh...and I intend to clean out my house & get rid of unnecessary, unwanted things. Time to reduce & live simpler. And I'm going to cut negative people - emotional vampires - out of my life, too! YAY for change! I'm feeling good!

A Plan??

This morning I had to drop Ashlyn off at the babysitter's house. This is something that Chris normally does. Yes...I've done it a few times before, and I'll do it again tomorrow.

This morning something different happened. I was sad. After leaving the sitter's house, I nearly had a panic attack thinking that my baby was missing. Weird...I know! I knew where she was. I knew she was safe. But that moment of panic was enough to bring me to tears.

Does it get any easier? I don't know. I really wish I could be a stay-at-home mom, but it isn't feasible right now. Maybe in a year. There are some things we need to pay off first. We have a plan in place, but it'll take some time to get there.

And here's my other gripe: Why the heck don't they pay police officers a salary that is worth what they do!!!???!!!

Oh...enough complaining already! I know...I've been on this grateful kick, and I need to remember to stay on it.

So....today I am thankful that I do have a job that helps to support my family. I am thankful that I was able to surprise a friend/co-worker for her birthday today. I am thankful for my family!

My Attitude of Gratitude for Today!

Today I am grateful for:

* Ghirardelli chocolate chips - They cured my chocolate craving today!

* Chris coming home! Yay! I'm so glad he had a great time with the guys.

* Ashlyn falling asleep in her crib without fussing tonight. I feel like I've accomplished something!

* The smell of fresh washed clothes. I love original scented Tide.

Gratitude!

I have been thinking lately that I need to live a life of gratitude. That's definitely easier said than done. Too often I get caught up in the anger I feel of what could have been or what should have been or of the struggles I've had in my life. I know that holding onto anger or resentment isn't healthy. I also know that if I'm able to do this, I will be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend...essentially, I'll be a better person as a whole.

So I think I will start blogging about the things for which I'm grateful.



Tonight, I am grateful for a husband who loves me. He cheers me on when I think I can't go any further. He worries about me when I'm sad. He lets me vent and express my emotions without judging. He is my best friend.

Goals!

So, I've been thinking about life and what I want out of it lately. I've also been thinking about what's best for my family also. So, I've decided I need to have goals - goals that are measurable and attainable. So, here goes...

1. Hang up the big mirror that has been behind the couch for over a year! Yeah...that might not seem like something big, but it has been bugging me!

2. Finish finishing the end tables & coffee table...good grief can I procrastinate! That's been lingering for quite a while!

3. Finish Cate's quilt. I bought the material & have never even cut the squares. I need to get busy! Maybe she'll get it by Christmas if I start now!!

4. Sort all of my pics and categorize them into photo boxes. I bought photo boxes from Hobby Lobby for a really great price. Now I just need to use them.

5. Read something uplifting everyday - the scriptures daily! Also read other uplifting books.

6. Clean my kitchen everyday. That's my nemesis. I love to cook in it, but I hate to clean it. My sink will sparkle every night...well sparkle as much as an old ceramic sink can sparkle! :)

7. Hold my baby on my lap and read her books. We do this any way, but I never want to lose sight of it with everything else that is going on.

8. Get some live plants for the house. I used to have a green thumb, but it has gone away. I want to find it again.

9. Make pesto to freeze with the Basil that Chris lovingly grew this year. He really took great care of it. I would hate for his efforts to go to waste.

10. Be a good person. This should be simple one would think, but it's not always. I tend to pick up on other people's emotions & if they're jerks, I tend to be a jerk back. I need to learn to turn the other cheek and remember that even if I can't stand that person at that moment, that Jesus does love them & wants what is best for them. I need to be less judgmental and let love fill my heart and pass that love on to others - even if I think they don't deserve it!

Everyday Ordinary Life

Do you ever take a look at your life and think to yourself, "Gosh, I'm so boring!"? I live a very ordinary life. I go to work; pick up the baby afterwards; come home: make dinner, etc. There's nothing exciting there! This is my everyday, ordinary life.

I would say that I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm not sure. I think I would trade some of the hum-drum for some excitement or some "coolness". While looking at Facebook, I saw friends who were having cook-outs; friends who listen to cool music, or read great books, or watch fabulous movies. That's not me.

I tend to find a routine and stick to it. I think for my own sanity, and in return, the sanity of my family, I need to find something more - a hobby, outside interests, etc.

So, if you have any ideas, please let me know!

Defined

So often in life we are defined by what we are or what we're not. For so long, I defined myself as the "infertile friend". My life was consumed by the infertility. And in some ways it still is. It's tough to admit that or to even say that, because I do have Ashlyn. I am forever grateful for her. But part of me still longs to be pregnant, to carry another life. I tried for so long - 156 months! That was 156 months of heartbreak, of feeling like I wasn't worthy. I felt like something was really wrong with me...that maybe I just wasn't meant to be a mother.

And even now that I am a mother, those thoughts creep in. The feelings of inadequacy creep in, and I often wonder if the reason I was infertile is because I'm an inadequate parent. I have to squash those thoughts when the come to mind. I believe that most parents feel that way. It is a BIG responsibility caring for another human being.

So now, I'm trying to define myself in other ways. Who am I besides a wife and mother? What are my goals in life for myself & for my family? There's so much to think about and so much to consider! Decisions...decisions...