Defined

So often in life we are defined by what we are or what we're not. For so long, I defined myself as the "infertile friend". My life was consumed by the infertility. And in some ways it still is. It's tough to admit that or to even say that, because I do have Ashlyn. I am forever grateful for her. But part of me still longs to be pregnant, to carry another life. I tried for so long - 156 months! That was 156 months of heartbreak, of feeling like I wasn't worthy. I felt like something was really wrong with me...that maybe I just wasn't meant to be a mother.

And even now that I am a mother, those thoughts creep in. The feelings of inadequacy creep in, and I often wonder if the reason I was infertile is because I'm an inadequate parent. I have to squash those thoughts when the come to mind. I believe that most parents feel that way. It is a BIG responsibility caring for another human being.

So now, I'm trying to define myself in other ways. Who am I besides a wife and mother? What are my goals in life for myself & for my family? There's so much to think about and so much to consider! Decisions...decisions...