The God Box

I was reading this month's edition of "Real Simple" and there was an article in it about a mother who kept a "God Box". In it, she wrote simple prayers for her family, for herself, for friends of friends of friends. When she passed away, her family was left with hundreds, if not thousands, of prayers she had said on their behalf. The mother also believed it was her way of turning the problems over to God. This is something that I struggle with. I always want to be in control. I need to learn to let go sometimes.

I've heard of and tried the visualization of putting my problems into a box, and imagining myself put it away. But the problem is, I couldn't leave that darn box alone! So, I think I may try this. I know in the long run, it will be a blessing to my family, too. They will get to see what has touched my heart and they will get to see what prayers were said for them.

One thing the mother did with her little notes was date each one. Then she wrote the prayer and signed it. She folded them up in little shapes and then put them in the box. So, I will pray for my friends and family, too. Also, on social networking sites such as Facebook, there are daily requests for prayer. I will pray for them too.

An Impromptu Visit

My sister decided to stop in for an impromptu visit last night. I am so glad that she did. It's been too long. I don't like being so far away from family. We laughed until we cried last night...over everything! We got to shop, go to dinner & she got to play with Ashlyn. I am so glad that for three months in a row (b/c of her visit), we'll get to see her!

The funniest thing that I can remember her saying this visit is that I need to start meditating! I know I really do need to let go of things that bother me & I need to realize that I don't have to like everyone & they don't have to like me. I am such a pleaser that it's hard for me to let go...

In a Cleaning Mood

I'm in a cleaning mood & I don't mean just my house! I'm cleaning up the food I eat. I am cleaning up the drinks I drink - meaning NO soda - NO more caffeine, NO more carbonation! Whew! Do you think I can do it?

As for food, I'm going at least 50% raw. I now have a refrigerator stocked with fresh fruits and veggies. I bought sprouts and herbal teas and whole grains. Nothing is processed. Nothing is artificial - not colors, not a word in the ingredient list that I can't pronounce! :)

And I feel really good about this decision. I need to be healthier. I need to quit poisoning my body. I need to live! I have so much to live for & so much to still give. If I'm not healthy, then I can't give of myself.

So, today, in keeping with my attitude of gratitude, I am thankful for this decision and pray that I will have the strength to stick with it.

Oh...and I intend to clean out my house & get rid of unnecessary, unwanted things. Time to reduce & live simpler. And I'm going to cut negative people - emotional vampires - out of my life, too! YAY for change! I'm feeling good!

A Plan??

This morning I had to drop Ashlyn off at the babysitter's house. This is something that Chris normally does. Yes...I've done it a few times before, and I'll do it again tomorrow.

This morning something different happened. I was sad. After leaving the sitter's house, I nearly had a panic attack thinking that my baby was missing. Weird...I know! I knew where she was. I knew she was safe. But that moment of panic was enough to bring me to tears.

Does it get any easier? I don't know. I really wish I could be a stay-at-home mom, but it isn't feasible right now. Maybe in a year. There are some things we need to pay off first. We have a plan in place, but it'll take some time to get there.

And here's my other gripe: Why the heck don't they pay police officers a salary that is worth what they do!!!???!!!

Oh...enough complaining already! I know...I've been on this grateful kick, and I need to remember to stay on it.

So....today I am thankful that I do have a job that helps to support my family. I am thankful that I was able to surprise a friend/co-worker for her birthday today. I am thankful for my family!

My Attitude of Gratitude for Today!

Today I am grateful for:

* Ghirardelli chocolate chips - They cured my chocolate craving today!

* Chris coming home! Yay! I'm so glad he had a great time with the guys.

* Ashlyn falling asleep in her crib without fussing tonight. I feel like I've accomplished something!

* The smell of fresh washed clothes. I love original scented Tide.

Gratitude!

I have been thinking lately that I need to live a life of gratitude. That's definitely easier said than done. Too often I get caught up in the anger I feel of what could have been or what should have been or of the struggles I've had in my life. I know that holding onto anger or resentment isn't healthy. I also know that if I'm able to do this, I will be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend...essentially, I'll be a better person as a whole.

So I think I will start blogging about the things for which I'm grateful.



Tonight, I am grateful for a husband who loves me. He cheers me on when I think I can't go any further. He worries about me when I'm sad. He lets me vent and express my emotions without judging. He is my best friend.

Goals!

So, I've been thinking about life and what I want out of it lately. I've also been thinking about what's best for my family also. So, I've decided I need to have goals - goals that are measurable and attainable. So, here goes...

1. Hang up the big mirror that has been behind the couch for over a year! Yeah...that might not seem like something big, but it has been bugging me!

2. Finish finishing the end tables & coffee table...good grief can I procrastinate! That's been lingering for quite a while!

3. Finish Cate's quilt. I bought the material & have never even cut the squares. I need to get busy! Maybe she'll get it by Christmas if I start now!!

4. Sort all of my pics and categorize them into photo boxes. I bought photo boxes from Hobby Lobby for a really great price. Now I just need to use them.

5. Read something uplifting everyday - the scriptures daily! Also read other uplifting books.

6. Clean my kitchen everyday. That's my nemesis. I love to cook in it, but I hate to clean it. My sink will sparkle every night...well sparkle as much as an old ceramic sink can sparkle! :)

7. Hold my baby on my lap and read her books. We do this any way, but I never want to lose sight of it with everything else that is going on.

8. Get some live plants for the house. I used to have a green thumb, but it has gone away. I want to find it again.

9. Make pesto to freeze with the Basil that Chris lovingly grew this year. He really took great care of it. I would hate for his efforts to go to waste.

10. Be a good person. This should be simple one would think, but it's not always. I tend to pick up on other people's emotions & if they're jerks, I tend to be a jerk back. I need to learn to turn the other cheek and remember that even if I can't stand that person at that moment, that Jesus does love them & wants what is best for them. I need to be less judgmental and let love fill my heart and pass that love on to others - even if I think they don't deserve it!

Everyday Ordinary Life

Do you ever take a look at your life and think to yourself, "Gosh, I'm so boring!"? I live a very ordinary life. I go to work; pick up the baby afterwards; come home: make dinner, etc. There's nothing exciting there! This is my everyday, ordinary life.

I would say that I wouldn't trade it for anything, but I'm not sure. I think I would trade some of the hum-drum for some excitement or some "coolness". While looking at Facebook, I saw friends who were having cook-outs; friends who listen to cool music, or read great books, or watch fabulous movies. That's not me.

I tend to find a routine and stick to it. I think for my own sanity, and in return, the sanity of my family, I need to find something more - a hobby, outside interests, etc.

So, if you have any ideas, please let me know!

Defined

So often in life we are defined by what we are or what we're not. For so long, I defined myself as the "infertile friend". My life was consumed by the infertility. And in some ways it still is. It's tough to admit that or to even say that, because I do have Ashlyn. I am forever grateful for her. But part of me still longs to be pregnant, to carry another life. I tried for so long - 156 months! That was 156 months of heartbreak, of feeling like I wasn't worthy. I felt like something was really wrong with me...that maybe I just wasn't meant to be a mother.

And even now that I am a mother, those thoughts creep in. The feelings of inadequacy creep in, and I often wonder if the reason I was infertile is because I'm an inadequate parent. I have to squash those thoughts when the come to mind. I believe that most parents feel that way. It is a BIG responsibility caring for another human being.

So now, I'm trying to define myself in other ways. Who am I besides a wife and mother? What are my goals in life for myself & for my family? There's so much to think about and so much to consider! Decisions...decisions...

Groupon

Have you heard of Groupon? If not, then you must look it up! I bought 1/2 price tickets for 2 hours of ziplining...or is it zipping? Either way, I'm looking forward to going. We're going to wait until the Fall when the leaves are changing. I think that will be beautiful. My heart starts racing just thinking about it.

I will continue to watch Groupon for more fabulous deals! :)

Stuck in a Rut

So, as you can tell from many of posts lately, I've been kind of down. I wasn't sure why, but after having a very early morning (thanks, Ashlyn!) chat with Chris this morning, I realized that I've been stuck in a rut. We've been stuck in a rut. We are both now actively talking and making plans. Life is what you make of it, right? Chris and I are both now onboard to make changes & to be happy.

Yay! I'm so glad that we talked!

Enough

This isn't a happy post. I'm still struggling to find the answers.

So often in this world, we're told that we're not good enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, rich enough, outgoing enough...you get the point. Well the feeling of not being enough has really hit me this week. I'm not quite sure what brought it on...hormones, stress...you name it. Any of them could have been the main factor(s).

So...somehow, some way, I need to figure out how to be enough.

Stir Crazy

Lately I've been feeling a little stir crazy. I'm not sure why. I think it's just that where we live now doesn't feel like home. It's hard to explain, or maybe it's not. This place just isn't the place where I want to raise Ashlyn, and I definitely don't want to grow old here.

The problem with this is that I really don't know where home is. What makes where you live home? If you could live anywhere, where would it be? Or if where you live is wonderful, what makes it so wonderful?

The only thing I know is that wherever we go, water has to be a big part of life there. So is that water the ocean, river, or lake? I don't know.

So...until we decide where to go, I'll continue to be a bit stir crazy! I'll just have to keep the urge to run away to another place under control!

Texting Vent

Tonight I'm sitting here listening to my husband's phone go off with text messages. He and a friend have been texting back and forth for quite some time. My vent isn't about that. It's about the fact that people don't talk any more. On my birthday, only one person called me. Everyone else texted.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for texting and keeping in touch. I just sometimes miss hearing someone's voice. Texts are so cold. Texts can't show emotion, unless of course you add in a smiley or frowny face. :p

Negativity...An Attitude Adjustment

I have been around a lot of negative people lately. I'm not sure why or how they've come into my life, but I know that their negativity was rubbing off on me. I started to feel less like myself, less happy, and less worthwhile.

Within the last week, I realized that their emotions/attitudes were affecting mine adversely, and I made the decision to look for the positive in life. Essentially, I gave myself an attitude adjustment. I started smiling more. I started thinking good things. I started saying htat no one was going to get me donw.

I also made some changes to block people's actions and/or energy from interfering with my life. I have Ashlyn to think about. I know that my emotions influence how she acts and feels.

So, I choose to be happy. I choose to live life. I choose to love and be loved. I deserve to be happy. And by being happy, maybe...just maybe, I can make someone else happy.

The Friends You Keep

For some reason, the saying: "You are known by the friends you keep" has been in the forefront of my mind. As an adult I've found it difficult to make friends...ones that are true and worthy of my trust. More often than not, I've been disappointed in friends that I've made.

I want a friend who is honest, true, and always has my back. I want a friend who isn't afraid to tell me the truth or drag me out of bed when I just feel like staying there for two days.

I think honesty is the most important. If a friend tells me something, I want to always know that they speak the truth. I don't want to ever question something they say...even if it seems unessential. I don't want a friend who tells me one thing and another person something different. HONESTY is important!

I am grateful for the friends that I do have. I have had the opportunity to reconnect with some great friends from my past, and I am so happy about that.

Now to make some new friends (who are local!). I know that in order to do that, I will have to open myself up to potential hurt again. I know that I need to get over that fear. If I do, then I may allow myself a wonderful friendship experience.

My Opposite, My Love

Chris is my opposite. As much as I am an introvert, he is an extrovert. We went to a party tonight, and he was pretty much the center of attention. I, on the other hand, sat almost unnoticed on the couch. The only reason I was acknowledged was because I was holding Ashlyn. Well...maybe that's not the only reason, but it is the main reason. I am shy. I feel awkward around people I don't know. Chris has never met a stranger.

He makes me get out of my shell and comfort zone. Most days I'd be perfectly content sitting alone at home reading a book. At least with him by my side, I can at least find some comfort and safety. And if I start to stutter or get to nervous, he can take over and tell another crowd-pleasing story.

I am very grateful to have such a wonderful husband. He is my opposite - my love!

Smiles @ 2:30 a.m.

Ashlyn has been sleeping through the night since she was 1 1/2 months old. For some reason, last night, she decided to wake up at 2:30 a.m. and stay awake until 4:00 a.m. At first I was annoyed that she would not go back to sleep, but then I realized what a miracle she truly is.

I held her. Rocked her. Kissed her on her head. And I thanked God for letting her be a part of our family. Her adoption story is a miracle. Maybe one day I will share the story on here. For now I'm still processing everything that has happened - how quickly she came into our lives, and now how I could not imagine my life without her in it.

The smiles that she gave me at 2:30 a.m. were exactly what I needed. It had been an extremely tough day for our family, and she reminded me of the good in the world. She's exactly what I need.

I'm posting a picture of her from the hospital. She was so tiny and fragile, but from the time she was 1 day old, she had our hearts.

Introduction

I am just learning to blog! This is my first post. Not really sure where to start, but I think I should give a brief introduction. My name is Terri. I have been married to my best friend Chris for 13 years! We have a 4 1/2 month old daughter - Ashlyn Rose...more to come about her in future posts, I'm sure!

I've been contemplating blogging for some time. I was trying to find a theme or a subject for my blog. I enjoy cooking, so I thought I might start a blog about that. I scrapbook, too, so I thought I could write about that. But then I realized that there are hundreds of blogs about those same things. What there aren't a hundred blogs about is my life. So I'll write about that.

My life isn't glamorous. I don't associate with the rich and/or famous. My life is ordinary. It is in the ordinary that I find joy. I am far from being perfect, but I do try to be a good person.

So, for those of you who read my blog, what you'll find is an honest view into my life.